Our son Z, 9 years old, has got to be the slowest child on the planet when it comes to doing anything mundane. In fact, he does everything slowly. For example, when taking a bath last night, he disappeared for an hour while his three siblings watched two TV shows. When he came out, it was no skin off his back, he was finally ready for bed.
Our extremely laid-back son can really get under my skin, especially in the mornings. When he's getting ready for school, it's like pushing a snail through quicksand! He gets distracted by toys and pieces of dirt on the carpet. He's very intelligent and he's not being belligerent, he's just being Z.
This morning was particularly rough for both of us. He was going slowly and in my frazzled state of hurrying him, I made some statements to him that were not encouraging at all. I said things like, "Come on Z, you always go slow- speed it up!" I try to avoid absolutes (words like always, never, etc...) with my kids because, most of the time, they're used to hurt people, not help. This morning, I was failing on this front.
When we were waiting for the bus, he told me that he wasn't distracted this morning, he actually had to try on 3 pairs of pants to find a pair that fit him. ( He puts away his own laundry and has two brothers- the clothes often get confused) I felt about as tall as the snail I mentioned earlier.
I apologized and asked my sweet Z to forgive me. He happily did so.
The bus rolled away and he waved as they went out of sight. But, I stood there wondering what he's taking with him today. What kind of burden is he bearing? What words are repeating over and over in his head?
I went into the house and checked my Facebook account. There was a message from my Aunt Wendy. She has been a real encouragement to me when it comes to my writing and encouraging others. When I would write a funny Christmas letter, she'd be the first to say, "You need to be a writer!" She has been a model to me in encouragement.
I sat there and cried because I realized that everything out of my mouth this morning had been negative and nagging. I showed my son no signs of encouragement. Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully, I can be that encouraging voice to him, like my Aunt Wendy has been to me.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Friday, September 6, 2013
Ghost Hunting- I wrote this 2 years ago as an article submission.
Ghost Hunting
and
the Art of Finding a Discipline to fit the crime
by:
Denise Craig
I am sure that my 8 year old did not start the day intending to get in trouble
with his teacher. But, as any parent knows, what a child intends
and what really happens can be a completely different thing.
The sun was streaming through the window, Z was hard at work, and he realized that
he needed to use the restroom. He knew that this visit was not
going to be a quick one, so he informed the teacher and went on his
jaunt. When he reached the bathroom, he saw that the "wet floor" sign
was directing him to the uninhabited third floor. Z was washing his
hands when he realized that his classmate C was behind him. C told the teacher that he also needed the facilities. But, he had no
intent in using them.
Z was readying himself to go down the stairs when the voice of C entered his mind like a thick fog. “Why go back downstairs when they’re
just going to make you do work?” Well that was a very interesting
question indeed for an 8 year old boy.
The boys turned around and saw the deserted hallways as a labyrinth of ghostly
adventure. “Ghost hunt!” declared C. Z, tempted beyond
reason, could not help but join in. Eventually, the teacher, being quite
the hunter herself, figured out what went on in the dusty, dimly lit, hallways
of the third floor.
Needless to say, Z’s head hung low as he descended the bus steps and
headed toward me. Z said, “Mom there’s a note in my folder from the
teacher. But, C made me do it!” “What did he make you do?” I
asked. It was then that Z gave me details of the deception,
the trickery of his friend. “But, what was your choice?”
I asked. “I chose to follow my friend,” he mumbled. I questioned
further, “Did you know it was wrong ?” “Yes,” he squeaked. “Well, I
guess you also chose a discipline for yourself then didn't you.” I stated.
I don’t know about other parents, but I know that I sometimes struggle with
what to assign as my child’s punishment. This time was no
different. I have read several books that suggest to “make the punishment
fit the crime.” So I quietly went to my stash of workbooks, made a
photocopy of a couple worksheets and added it to the stack of worksheets that he had
before him.
Yes, it took him almost the whole evening to finish the pile in front of
him. But, with each passing moment, it reminded him of the decision he
made and his trying to get out of doing work at school.
It has always been beneficial for us to make the punishment fit the
crime. When the discipline fits the crime, the discipline usually only has to happen a couple times to learn that lesson. When all is said and done, I
hope that he’ll remember the work he had to do and not repeat that mistake
again. Hopefully, if C should ever convince him to slide down
another slippery slope, he’ll remember that an appropriate and fitting
discipline will be waiting in the wings.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Helpless 20 Somethings...
Tonight as I was cashing out at Wegman's, I was chatting with the cashier. This is normal for me. I am not sure how or why, but I usually end up learning quite a bit about them, as they do me, from the short amount of time we spend together.
The lady looked down at my items as she hurried the them along. She said, "Oh, I need to figure out what to make for my kids' breakfast tomorrow morning." She continued, "I made them pancakes yesterday and french toast today." I quickly realized that these were school days that she was talking about. After I pondered about asking for her address so I can join them in the morning, I collected my thoughts and said, "How about some cereal?" For that matter, yogurt, granola, fruit, etc....would also work just as well. She said, "Oh no, my kids have a late-block lunch, they need a hot breakfast." "Maybe I can give them oatmeal if they don't turn their noses up at it." I said, "Maybe they can take turns making their own hot breakfast?" I suggested this because I realized that they must be middle school or high school kids (she later told me that they are 8th grade twins). "They couldn't do that, I think I've spoiled them", she replied. I then preceded to tell her (this is where my friend K would say, "oh no, you didn't say that!), that my son who is 6 made his own scrambled eggs this morning and that she could offer that info to her girls for motivation. Yes, he put in too much milk and we had to strain off the liquid, but, he did it himself. She then told me that she works all day at one of the schools, and all night at Wegmans. The poor lady needs them to help.
Now, I realize that this woman may be suffering from the guilt of always working. But, that shouldn't give people an excuse to hinder their children's ability to care for themselves by spoiling them.
Maybe our kids have become more independent because there are four of them, or maybe it's because it is our hearts desire for our kids to be self-sufficient. Maybe it's a combination of the two. But as a couple, I know, we have been mindful of this and try to guide our kids toward independence.
Interestingly enough, we are a homeschooling family. That often gets the glares and comments about "sheltering our kids". We are very social and busy people- involved in many activities. But, more than that, we are training our kids not holding them back by spoiling them. We are training them to fly someday. In the past year and a half our twelve year old has made $600 mowing neighbor's yards and he has been taught the proper way to manage that money. Our kids can cook, clean, do laundry (the way their mother does it- which is the wrong way :-)), and basic home maintenance (redoing a deck, painting, gardening etc). We love our kids and spend time with them but honestly, if I didn't get any assistance and was bending over backwards to overly pamper them, I'd be 6 feet in the ground by now. We are simply outnumbered with four children running around.
So I implore all of us, myself included, to continue to assess what we are trying to teach our children. When they are 20 and about to strike out on their own, will they feel trained and empowered or a bit impish? It is up to us.
The lady looked down at my items as she hurried the them along. She said, "Oh, I need to figure out what to make for my kids' breakfast tomorrow morning." She continued, "I made them pancakes yesterday and french toast today." I quickly realized that these were school days that she was talking about. After I pondered about asking for her address so I can join them in the morning, I collected my thoughts and said, "How about some cereal?" For that matter, yogurt, granola, fruit, etc....would also work just as well. She said, "Oh no, my kids have a late-block lunch, they need a hot breakfast." "Maybe I can give them oatmeal if they don't turn their noses up at it." I said, "Maybe they can take turns making their own hot breakfast?" I suggested this because I realized that they must be middle school or high school kids (she later told me that they are 8th grade twins). "They couldn't do that, I think I've spoiled them", she replied. I then preceded to tell her (this is where my friend K would say, "oh no, you didn't say that!), that my son who is 6 made his own scrambled eggs this morning and that she could offer that info to her girls for motivation. Yes, he put in too much milk and we had to strain off the liquid, but, he did it himself. She then told me that she works all day at one of the schools, and all night at Wegmans. The poor lady needs them to help.
Now, I realize that this woman may be suffering from the guilt of always working. But, that shouldn't give people an excuse to hinder their children's ability to care for themselves by spoiling them.
Maybe our kids have become more independent because there are four of them, or maybe it's because it is our hearts desire for our kids to be self-sufficient. Maybe it's a combination of the two. But as a couple, I know, we have been mindful of this and try to guide our kids toward independence.
Interestingly enough, we are a homeschooling family. That often gets the glares and comments about "sheltering our kids". We are very social and busy people- involved in many activities. But, more than that, we are training our kids not holding them back by spoiling them. We are training them to fly someday. In the past year and a half our twelve year old has made $600 mowing neighbor's yards and he has been taught the proper way to manage that money. Our kids can cook, clean, do laundry (the way their mother does it- which is the wrong way :-)), and basic home maintenance (redoing a deck, painting, gardening etc). We love our kids and spend time with them but honestly, if I didn't get any assistance and was bending over backwards to overly pamper them, I'd be 6 feet in the ground by now. We are simply outnumbered with four children running around.
So I implore all of us, myself included, to continue to assess what we are trying to teach our children. When they are 20 and about to strike out on their own, will they feel trained and empowered or a bit impish? It is up to us.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
A Wonderful Discovery!
Some of you may or may not have read about my stomach problems and everything that was going on with me physically for so long. I had probably about 30 symptoms that were making me gradually feel like I was a 55 year old in a constant brain fog. I had symptoms ranging from post nasal drip to stomach issues, to neurological issues. Walking into a doctor's office with a list of 30 things wrong with you is enough to make any doctor think you're nuts. And, I was starting to wonder myself. How can any one person have so many nagging little things wrong?
I had some tests done, and most everything came back normal. I did however, have some stomach problems show up in the endoscopy. So, the doctors declared me somewhat normal and prescribed medication. There, done! Well, not quite. I still felt terrible!
After many months of struggling not only physically but now emotionally, I wondered what can I do???
I am a researcher by nature, so I found myself reading up on things online. I was already on a quest to make our family's diet better. So, my hubby bought a book for me called the UNHEALTHY TRUTH. Let me say this now: My husband always sees these kind of books as "Health Nut Conspiracy Theories". So, it was an absolute miracle that he bought it for me (from my Amazon wish list). I was shocked to see what's been happening to our food supply. I was appalled at how these foods can affect our body. Consider reading it for yourself. He actually is starting to see some of these things for himself too. See this article too.
Because I was so interested in these things, I was visiting one of my favorite websites called 100 Days of Real Food. I was trying to find a specific article pertaining to food items that day when I became distracted by an article on SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). I will never be able to tell you why I was so interested in that article but to say that God must have lead me there. I don't personally know anyone with the disorder yet it intrigued me. It was definitely confirming what I had already learned through the book.
The article spoke about the fact that children with SPD can have great success and a lot fewer symptoms when on a gluten free diet. I continued reading the article to the end....and there is where I saw it. I saw a comprehensive list of the symptoms that a gluten intolerant person would endure. They were symptoms ranging from postnasal drip, to stomach issues, to neurological issues and everything in-between. God had lead me to answers that I had been desperately seeking for so long.
After that, I was determined to cut gluten from my diet completely. I also chose to cut out dairy at the same time. (Which I found out later, you should never cut out 2 things at the same time. If you do, you won't know which one gives you trouble.) I felt the same for two days, then REALLY tired for two days. After that, one by one, my symptoms started to go away. The constant fluid in the ears left, the post nasal drip was gone , the stomach things (many) started to ease, the brain fog gone, the tiredness lifted, the twitches in muscles lessened etc... I can stay up till midnight almost every night again without feeling exhausted!!!
I have been completely gluten and mostly dairy free (a girl has to have some ice cream every once in a while) for 6 months now. I feel awesome!!!
Why am I sharing this? Well first of all I am not a doctor, so see your doctor if you're having problems. I can only attest to what worked for me. It may not be the same for you. But, I am reminding you to be steadfast, continue to do your research. Don't just take the doctor's word that you are fine....if you're really not. Pray and seek God's provision for an answer! I did not just happen to read that article by chance. I am convinced that it was placed before me. And, don't forget to give God the GLORY!
THANK YOU GOD!
I had some tests done, and most everything came back normal. I did however, have some stomach problems show up in the endoscopy. So, the doctors declared me somewhat normal and prescribed medication. There, done! Well, not quite. I still felt terrible!
After many months of struggling not only physically but now emotionally, I wondered what can I do???
I am a researcher by nature, so I found myself reading up on things online. I was already on a quest to make our family's diet better. So, my hubby bought a book for me called the UNHEALTHY TRUTH. Let me say this now: My husband always sees these kind of books as "Health Nut Conspiracy Theories". So, it was an absolute miracle that he bought it for me (from my Amazon wish list). I was shocked to see what's been happening to our food supply. I was appalled at how these foods can affect our body. Consider reading it for yourself. He actually is starting to see some of these things for himself too. See this article too.
Because I was so interested in these things, I was visiting one of my favorite websites called 100 Days of Real Food. I was trying to find a specific article pertaining to food items that day when I became distracted by an article on SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). I will never be able to tell you why I was so interested in that article but to say that God must have lead me there. I don't personally know anyone with the disorder yet it intrigued me. It was definitely confirming what I had already learned through the book.
The article spoke about the fact that children with SPD can have great success and a lot fewer symptoms when on a gluten free diet. I continued reading the article to the end....and there is where I saw it. I saw a comprehensive list of the symptoms that a gluten intolerant person would endure. They were symptoms ranging from postnasal drip, to stomach issues, to neurological issues and everything in-between. God had lead me to answers that I had been desperately seeking for so long.
After that, I was determined to cut gluten from my diet completely. I also chose to cut out dairy at the same time. (Which I found out later, you should never cut out 2 things at the same time. If you do, you won't know which one gives you trouble.) I felt the same for two days, then REALLY tired for two days. After that, one by one, my symptoms started to go away. The constant fluid in the ears left, the post nasal drip was gone , the stomach things (many) started to ease, the brain fog gone, the tiredness lifted, the twitches in muscles lessened etc... I can stay up till midnight almost every night again without feeling exhausted!!!
I have been completely gluten and mostly dairy free (a girl has to have some ice cream every once in a while) for 6 months now. I feel awesome!!!
Why am I sharing this? Well first of all I am not a doctor, so see your doctor if you're having problems. I can only attest to what worked for me. It may not be the same for you. But, I am reminding you to be steadfast, continue to do your research. Don't just take the doctor's word that you are fine....if you're really not. Pray and seek God's provision for an answer! I did not just happen to read that article by chance. I am convinced that it was placed before me. And, don't forget to give God the GLORY!
THANK YOU GOD!
Long Time No Write.
Life has been so busy this year teaching music and homeschooling that I have fallen off the writing wagon. But, I certainly have some things that I have learned that I would love to share with you if you care to read them.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Healthy Lunch Ideas
I am always looking for good ways to feed my kids great food while they’re
at school. I have spent a lot of time
looking online for ideas that would miraculously get my kids to eat awesome
things. An overwhelming amount of sites
made kids lunches into works of art! I
love art but some things just need to be quick.
Unfortunately, I tried to make one of those
wonderful artsy sandwiches into the shape of Tow Mater one day. It took
me over an hour! I have four kids, and
therefore, have four lunches to worry about.
Who has that kind of time on their hands? So, I decided to compile some healthy, easy
lunches for our kids to eat. They may
not be works of art but they are certainly great and efficient. You can’t ask for more! Please note: at the bottom of all the lunch
ideas, you’ll see a link to give you a lot more options. And, each picture has it’s own link.
Great way to use leftover pancakes!
Also they have cute notes you can print out!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Fun Fall Crafts to do with the kids!
10 Fall-Inspired Crafts for Children
By Denise Craig
Fall is my favorite time of year.
There are so many things to love!
Apple Cider, doughnut holes, hayrides, apple & pumpkin picking, corn
mazes, and hikes on leaf covered paths are some of the wonderful things to
enjoy during this season. But, there is
something that many of us overlook as we plan our activities during this
glorious time. We forget to use these
vibrant colors as inspiration for crafts with our children. If you’re looking to incorporate some crafts
in your day, here are some ideas that I found on PINTEREST. These crafts require little planning and most
of them use very few materials. Click on the project title to be directed to the original site.
So, dig out your paints,
smock, and construction paper, and have fun with those kiddos! I personally have done the Fall Tree craft and the Fingerprint Tree with my kids and they have thoroughly enjoyed it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)