Keeping Score

Hubby and I are celebrating our 15th anniversary this year.  It's an exciting milestone.  We've had good times and bad times and from all of these situations, we glean knowledge that changes us.  It's interesting to see the ways we've adapted to life together over the years.

Even though we adore our first child B, his entrance into the world was enough to rock even the strongest of boats.  During labor I lost a lot of blood and was anemic for a while after the birth.  B wouldn't nurse and he was extremely high maintenance (doctors probably could have labeled him as ADD).  But, that might be because we were high strung!  These are all things that were imposed on us, things that couldn't change.

Every time one of us got a moment away from the baby it was chalked up to our mental score board.  So, it was only fair for the other person gets equal time away.  That kind of thinking allows resentment to creep into your heart.  Life doesn't work that way.  Hubby "gets" 43 hours per week away from home.  Was I ever going to get that?

This was an area that HAD to change!  Resentment is an UGLY thing.   Long periods of resentment/anger can cause all kinds of emotions that are not healthy.  It can break down relationships and it can even cause physical problems.

Hubby felt like he was always under the microscope.  Often he would hear questions like, How much time did you spend with the baby, and when can I get a moment to myself?  At this point in life, a shower was a big deal!

Luckily, God blessed us with more kids.  The more children we had, the less we thought of ourselves and the more we had to put self aside.  Time has marched on and we have both grown.  Hubby has  gotten better at juggling the kids so that when I leave, there's no guilt like there used to be when I go out.  The kids have gotten older and can do more for themselves.  And now, I go out 1-2 nights per week while hubby tackles bedtime by himself.

Now that the kids are 3, 6, 9, and 11, I am starting to feel like I am getting some of myself back.  I am writing, a bit more organized than I have been in years, and teaching again.

So hang in there, pray, love your hubby/wife and have more kids! (the last one was a joke- just having more kids will not necessarily solve your problems).  And, whatever you do, don't let resentment creep into your heart.  It will only hurt you and the ones you love.  You can learn from what others have endured and hopefully you won't have to suffer as long.  And always remember to turn to God for help.